This Is Why You Hate All Your Clothes
by Marissa Pomerance
Ask literally any woman in your life if she loves her clothes, or even LIKES her clothes and she will laugh a loud, wicked, breathless laugh as if you told her the funniest joke she’s ever heard. We all hate our clothes. None of us have anything to wear. Nothing looks good. Nothing “works.”
So listen. We did a deeeeep dive on this matter. This is a big “think piece” about ALL the reasons why you open your closet door and want to lie down and cry. We get into it.
So if that feels like A LOT, and you just want some practical solutions for clothes so that you don’t hate everything you own, we’ve made a cheat sheet for you:
HERE is a great place to start for all the basics you actually need to feel effortlessly chic, comfortable, and put-together on the daily.
If you have curves and feel like nothing is for you try THIS.
If you like some of your stuff but can’t seem to put anything together into an actual “look” you feel great about, THIS 3-step guide could change the game.
And if you just want some straight-up, visual templates of utterly foolproof outfits, HERE you will find 15 of them. And they are all excellent. Just look at who’s wearing them.
None Of Us Know How To Shop
1. Shopping is completely overwhelming and confusing.
Stores are designed to make us feel out of place: like we’ve been blindfolded, spun around, and forced to wander through a sea of jeans and white tees without any guidance whatsoever. Few of us enter a store with a well-thought-out plan or even an idea of what we should be looking for, so we spend countless hours browsing aimlessly, purchasing items just to feel like we finally made a choice and not because it accomplishes a larger goal.
Shopping online isn’t any easier.
Unless you know exactly what you want, you’ll end up clicking through approx. 9571 pages of thumbnail photos, which will all blend together and quickly become so stultifyingly monotonous, you’ll forget why you embarked on this journey. When you finally decide on a few things you ostensibly don’t hate, you’ll remember that the hideous return process includes packing items into a box, printing out (what?) a shipping label, and (*shiver*) going to the fucking post office to ship it back.
And then there’s the question looming over all of this: “will it even fit me?” It’s a question so powerful, with such a predictably disappointing answer, that it forces most of us to abandon the items in our cart and give up all together.
2. We’re buying too many “Hyper Pieces.”
Stores profit off of our confusion, sucking us in by prominently displaying shiny items that stand out in the sea of sameness, which we spontaneously decide we need and buy even though we have zero clue how to wear them.
Youtuber Alexandra Beth describes this phenomenon in her brilliantly informative video, “How To Dress Better,” explaining how we’re drawn to “Hyper Pieces.” Unlike wardrobe essentials, Hyper Pieces are trendy items we see on influencers and celebrities. We buy them because they’re exciting, pretty and fun, often reflecting a style and life we think we want.
The problem with Hyper Pieces is that they’re SO visually stimulating and specific, that after just a few wears, we feel like we’ve worn them a million times and get sick of them. In the era of social media, this tendency to overestimate our outfit repeats is even more pronounced; once we’ve worn something on the ‘gram, we couldn’t possibly be caught dead wearing it again. Alexandra believes that Hyper Pieces are ruining our wardrobes because they “become less and less functional over time.”
3. Too many hyper pieces cause indecision and disorder.
When your closet is filled with loud Hyper Pieces, like big colorful prints, you’ll get quickly overwhelmed trying to assemble them into outfits for your daily life. The potential outfit combinations are limited, so you end up wearing them rarely. And so they’ll just hang in your closet, taunting you: “you spent $200 on me, and you’ve worn me twice?? You’re a wasteful idiot.” Entering your closet and shuffling through dozens of pieces you’ve only worn a handful of times with no intention to wear again is just one more guilt-inducing source of anxiety in our modern, anxious lives.
But Alexandra doesn’t think you have to totally avoid Hyper Pieces, just purchase fewer—they shouldn’t make up more than 25% of your wardrobe, and the rest should be essentials. She believes that “the art of personal style is finding unique Hyper Pieces that are personal to you that you don’t mind wearing again and again.” So if you’re going to buy a Hyper Piece, you need to love it so much that you’ll happily wear it all the time. AND it MUST go with at least 3 items that you ALREADY own; you shouldn’t have to buy more to make it work for you. Smart.
4. You’re buying things you don’t love.
Here’s a revelatory concept; you should LOVE every single item you buy.
Whether it’s a black turtleneck or a plaid blazer or a pair of underwear, it should be your New Favorite Thing.
If you don’t love it, don’t buy it. If you think, “well maaaaaaybe I can make this work,” then what’s the point? Yes, even your “boring” wardrobe essentials should be exciting.
Because if you’re not excited when you first wear it, then you’ll undoubtedly hate it by the 10th time, at which point the aforementioned hanging, taunting, and anxiety begins.
5. You’re buying clothes for your future body.
It’s so tempting to buy clothes for a body we used to have or a body we think we’ll have or a body we just want to have.
But if that body isn’t your current reality, then you’re not buying the right clothes.
Clothes that aren’t made for your current body won’t feel good to you, so you’re not going to wear them or even like them. Clothes should not be your inspiration to get the body you want. Because they will just distract from the clothes you actually like, and fill your closet with physical representations of shame spirals and shame spirals do not motivate people.
6. You’re buying clothes for another life.
If you work from home but are also obsessed with buying blazers, then you’re not purchasing products for your actual life.
Where are you wearing all these blazers? Oh, you aren’t wearing all these blazers while sitting around your house, working in sweatpants or stretchy jeans (or *cough* pajamas)? Huh.
We all get sucked in by Hyper Pieces that we theoretically want to wear all the time, but most of these pieces fail to apply to lives we live. If you want to change your life and wear a suit to work, then do it. But wasting money on clothes for occasions you won't encounter should never be the impetus for life-altering decisions.
Your clothes should support the life you have, not detract from it. I’ve bought 7 dresses that I designated specifically as “perfect for a baby shower!” I have been to exactly zero baby showers.
None Of Us Know Our Personal Style
We hate our clothes because we don’t know how to shop, so we’re ruining our wardrobes with trendy, lusty pieces that call to us in the store. But why? We’re shopping this way because we have yet to discover, and really commit to, a real, personal style. Personal style isn’t an idealized version of what we want to wear or think we should wear, but instead, it’s that perfect combination of the style we love and the style of clothes that feel good on our bodies.
Discovering our personal style is THE essential building block of creating a wardrobe we love, one that makes us feel confident and beautiful and like the most bang up version of ourselves. But finding our personal style is hard, and takes a lot of time and requires a lot of honest, self-discovery. Here are some of the things holding us back:
1. You don’t know your body shape.
First, we just outright reject any body type fruit comparisons. We know everyone loves to subscribe to a type—like an extroverted Scorpio with sensitive skin—but why must women’s bodies be apples or pears? Women’s bodies don’t always come in discrete, easy-to-label types; instead, they’re more like unique shapes. And every woman should become good friends with their shape.
You should know and understand your shape, which isn’t easy when negative self-talk permeates every body-related thought that crosses your mind. So here’s a first step towards understanding your shape without all that self-loathing: name one part of your body that you actually like. Right now. Out loud.
That wasn’t too horrible, right?
Personal style begins with knowing and accepting your body as it is now, because once you understand your shape, you can finally start dressing it properly. If you love a dress because of the style or pattern, but if the shape doesn’t suit your shape, then it’s not your style.
2. You’re fixated on an idealized personal style.
We all harbor secret dreams of how we’d love to look, and these dreams are accompanied by a fantasy of an infinitely better life. I lust after incredibly cool, trendy, over-the-top looks that I come across while endlessly scrolling through Instagram. These outfits always look amazing on tall, thin influencers who’ve employed a professional photographer to shoot and edit their photos.
To get this look myself, I’ll buy 15 pairs of high-waist, straight-leg mom jeans, wondering why their cool, ripped hems (that I’ll have to chop off anyways if I want them to fit my 5’2” frame) don’t look nearly as good on me as they do on professional models who have been professionally styled. I finally realized that these jeans always disappoint because I was dressing for an ideal style and a body that is my fantasy, not my reality. The logical side of my brain understands that well-tailored, classic pieces better suit my frame and make me feel cool and confident, so this is how I should always shop.
In writing this article, I spoke with Audie, our Editor-in-Chief, about how we all develop these idealized visions of our style. Our theory is that the first images and visuals of style that spark lust in us just as our own interest in style blooms, create this “dream” style of ourselves that’s so hard to let go of. Audie longs for a preppy, layered look, à la Meg Ryan’s blazer OVER HER SWEATER in When Harry Met Sally. But, according to her, “since I’m curvy with big boobs and a large backside, chunky layers have always made me feel like the stay puft marshmallow man – I had to set sail on those dreams, and accept that tight, sleek stuff just makes me look and feel better.”
Divorce yourself from the dream. Move on to the reality of what you actually should wear, instead of fixating on what you believe you should wear. The caveat here is that you can of course wear whatever the fuck you want at any time, anywhere. There are no actual rules and if wearing what you want makes you happy, that’s what matters. But remember, this is an article about hating all your clothes, so if you fall into that camp, your clothes are not making you happy. And we’re finding ways to climb out of that vortex.
3. You seek style inspo from bad sources.
Yes. We love seeking style inspiration from Instagram and Pinterest. But saving outfit inspiration from people whose lives and bodies have nothing to do with yours will only add to your personal style confusion. Instead, find someone whose style you admire, and whose shape could apply to yours—a celebrity, a stylish friend—make sure you love their style, and make note of how they dress. I look to Kristen Bell, who has a fantastic sense of style and wears fitted midi dresses and high-waisted, wide leg pants, which are always pieces that make me feel great about myself.
We make the same mistakes with our hair, too. We’re all guilty of bringing a red-carpet photo of Jennifer Aniston and her perfectly coifed, colored, and straightened locks to our hairstylist, expecting our hair (which might be a completely different texture) to miraculously look the same, even on days when it’s not professionally styled. Seek out inspiration from people who look like you: your same face shape, coloring, and hair texture. And once again, think about how this style works for your life. If you don’t have the time or patience to blow dry, straighten, or curl your hair (who does?) on a daily basis, then a textured lob that requires a lot of daily maintenance is not your ideal hairstyle.
Your Closet Is A Nightmare
Your entire closet should spark joy. The entire thing. A messy, disorganized closet will just lead to stress and confusion. And if just glancing into your closet induces anxiety, then trying to put together an outfit will never be a pleasant experience.
1. Your closet is a mess.
Putting together an outfit that makes you feel happy, confident, and beautiful takes an organized thought process, which is impossible if your closet itself isn’t organized. If just opening the door to your closet makes you break out in a cold sweat, it’s probably time to invest in a copy of The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Or go here for some serious organization tips.
2. You buy so many clothes you can’t even see what you own.
You don’t even know what you own because you can’t even see what you own. If you can’t see what you have, you’ll forget, and you’ll end up buying 27 identical black sweaters, 26 of which do NOT spark joy. Go back to our previous point—you must love everything you buy. You need to be able to see your clothes to wear them, and if you can’t, then you’ll end up wearing the same thing over and over again, adding to this cycle of loathing and buying that makes everything worse. Go here to learn how to put together a curated daily uniform that you’ll love.
3. You need to give stuff away.
If you don’t love everything you’ve bought, then you should donate it. Our favorite closet clean-out rule is this; if you haven’t worn it in a year, you’re probably not going to wear it again. We know you feel guilty because you bought something for $200 and haven’t worn it, but holding onto it will add to the pressure to wear things you don’t really like, inducing that closet-related anxiety. We recommend The Real Real, Tradesy, or Poshmark for selling your clothes, or looking up local donation centers and nonprofits (like Goodwill or Dress for Success).
We all hate our clothes. Which is really a tragedy because don’t we also love clothes? Getting dressed can be a source of confidence, self-esteem, and identity. Clothes aren’t frivolous. Clothes are important. They’re part of our daily lives from the day we’re born to the day we die. We spend countless hours looking at them in mirrors, taking them on and off, and lusting after them on others. At the very least, you should love the ones on your own body.
And if you don’t believe us, then at least believe Nigel from The Devil Wears Prada, who said “fashion is greater than art, because you live your life in it.”
Marissa Pomerance is the Managing Editor of The Candidly. She’s a Los Angeles native and lover of all things food, style, beauty, and wellness. You can find more of her articles here.
