Straight Leg Jeans Are The Greatest Lie The Devil Ever Told
by Marissa Pomerance
When will we learn?
We spot a trendy clothing item all over social media, decide we need it, and buy 17 versions, hoping each one will magically work better than the last. We become progressively more desperate with each iteration, convinced we can finally achieve this *lewk* if we pair just one of these 17 items with a better pair of shoes or a matching jacket. How many times must we put ourselves through the same hell before realizing that some (most) trends are utter bullshit?
To me, few things illustrate the impossibility of certain trends quite like straight leg jeans. Take a look, because you’ll probably recognize this trend instantly:
See? Don’t they look amazing? Didn’t these photos inspire you to open a new tab and search for a pair to buy for yourself?
But that’s why straight leg jeans are the devil’s work.
Now, I know not everyone will agree with that. Including our own Editor-In-Chief, Audie Metcalf, who swears by THESE.
But hear me out.
Sure, there are plenty of other, more egregiously obvious examples of ridiculously unapproachable trends; the baggy streetwear of Billie Eilish may lend some red carpet cred to an edgy, 18-year-old musician, but most of us would look either insane or shlubby (or both!) if we showed up to our place of work wearing a neon printed hoodie that falls to our knees.
In comparison, straight leg jeans are seemingly practical. They lack the tacky connotations of their early 2000’s counterparts—the *shudder* low-rise jean. And they don’t even have the word “skinny” in the title, a name which forces most women to summon great depths of courage to bring an item called a “Skinny Jean” into a dressing room and spend 10 minutes and 100 calories jumping and wriggling into a pair.
Straight leg jeans seem so approachable, and easy to wear—like a trend we’re almost sure we just might be able to pull off. They’re just regular jeans! They have a “normal” leg width! They’re a comfortable, classic fit! You can wear them with anything! There are approximately 10000 photos of celebrities wearing them casually, as if they’re just normal people going to the grocery store. Plus, they’re usually pretty simple, coming in versatile light washes and flattering high waists. They seem so comfortable and effortless.
They are not.
All of these false narratives have lead me to, on countless occasions, actually GO to a store and try on different versions. Pro tip: don’t let your thin, 5’9 friend talk you into trying them. Because after about the 10th pair made me feel like a stuffed sausage, I didn’t even consider the possibility that straight leg jeans weren’t made for a diverse range of body types. Instead, I figured it was my body that was the problem. If I just worked harder, I could get my body to fit the jeans, and then I could feel just as amazing as my annoyingly tall friend.
And then there’s finding clothes to pair with these jeans (we’re about to get technical here, but this needs to be said). If you’re short, jeans that are loose around the ankle never seem to be the right proportion for your beloved ankle boots. They’re either too long and hang over your boots, or you need a higher heel to counteract all of the lines that are chopping up your legs into unflattering sections. Your options, then, are either simple heels or flats, which relegates these jeans to specific occasions, and not the casual, everyday look you were aiming for.
This is exactly why straight leg jeans are a lie. Because their supposed practicality shields us from a dark, sinister truth.
And that truth is: straight leg jeans are a nightmare, not made for women who’ve ever had to hem a pair of pants, and whose legs aren’t tiny enough to fit comfortably within the perimeters of the leg opening with plenty of room to spare. Or in other words; they look amazing on models, and make the rest of us feel shitty.
“or in other words; they look amazing on models, and make the rest of us feel shitty.”
Straight leg jeans are designed for bodies with long, thin legs that are the exact same width from thigh to ankle (even Barbie’s legs have some shape to them!). They’re meant to hang effortlessly and give you a tiny waist and toothpick legs, but never stretch to accommodate any “unexpected” bumps (you know, the kind that many women have and correctly celebrate). For women with curves, straight leg jeans cling to every inch, clearly not anticipating our curves, and therefore having no idea what to do with them. So for those of us who need jeans to, you know, stretch, straight leg jeans are a Big Fat NO.
Plus, straight leg jeans often come with a cool, detailed hem that’s meant to end right above the ankles, but this hem will undoubtedly get lopped off the second any of us petite humans take them to a tailor.
Of course, we don’t blame the small percentage of women who love a straight leg jean. If you feel great wearing “mom jeans,” we are incredibly happy for you (and please tell us your secrets in the comments)! Please continue to enjoy your straight leg jeans, and feel free to click away. This post is not for you, and we 100% truly and honestly mean that as kindly as possible.
But for the rest of us, straight leg jeans are a wolf in an Instagram model’s clothing. They seem like a wardrobe essential, when in fact, they’re secretly the ultimate Hyper Piece; we buy version after version because of their trendy appeal, realize we hate how we feel in them, and then never wear them again, leaving them to fester in our closet like the open mental wounds they represent.
Instead of recognizing that the versatility and wear-ability of these jeans are a myth, we feel guilt, shame, and embarrassment; something must be wrong with our bodies if such a supposedly cool, universally-flattering piece fails.
We internalize this message over and over again, leading us down an endless path of purchasing to try to prove ourselves wrong. *Cue 17 pairs of ill-fitting straight leg jeans hanging in our closets.* It’s easy to get caught up in trends, but forcing ourselves to buy clothing that makes us feel shitty about our bodies is just not the way to shop.
Which is why we need to start divorcing ourselves from the trends we desperately want to make work, and focus on what we know feels good on our bodies. It’s time to stop buying the types of pieces that are ruining our wardrobes, our personal style, and our self-confidence.
So here are 4 pairs of jeans that won’t make you feel terrible about your body:
2. Vibrant Women's Juniors Bell Bottom High Waist Fitted Denim Jeans
Cute for subtle 70s vibezzz. Pro tip: bell bottoms create balance and almost always look flattering.
3. Good American Good Legs Crop
This entire company is designed around curves.
They also have an entire Petites collection.
Hallelujah.
________________
Now, we realize we just went on a HUGE screed about a style of jean. But since this article has gone live, we’ve stumbled across ONE, and only one, pair of straight leg jeans we don’t hate. They’re even kind of magical.
Here are the jeans on our editor-in-chief in her size:
And here they are 2 sizes up for more of a “boyfriend” style look:
In her words, “I have a 14 inch difference between my waist and my hips and finding jeans that slide over my butt in the dressing room is such a rare occurrence than when these actually did, I honestly got emotional for a minute.”
Shop them below:
Abercrombie Curve Love Ultra High Rise Ankle Straight Jeans
They work because they actually maintain the “straight” leg on curvier figures, which most other so-called “straight leg jeans” don’t do. Most of them taper in weirdly and cling to our legs, getting rid of that gorgeous straight-from-the-hip-down shape that we all so desperately crave.
Also yes we know, they’re from Abercrombie—but Abercrombie has gotten really good, as evidenced HERE.
Marissa Pomerance is the Managing Editor of The Candidly. She’s a Los Angeles native and lover of all things food, style, beauty, and wellness. You can find more of her articles here.
At The Candidly, we try a lot of stuff so you don’t have to. We only recommend things we truly love, and that we think you’ll love, too. All products are chosen independently by our creative team, and all details reflect the price and availability of products at the time of publication. If you buy something we link to, The Candidly may earn a commission.
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