Jessica Lahey Is Someone We Really Like
Photo from Jessica Lahey
by The Candidly Team
Jessica Lahey is a teacher, parenting expert, writer of The New York Times column, “Parent-Teacher Conference,” and host of the #AmWriting podcast.
She knows a few things about raising healthy, successful children because she’s written not one, but two books about parenting; her newest book, “The Addiction Inoculation,” comes out in 2021 and aims to prevent substance abuse in children.
We like Jessica.
And so we asked her a few questions to get a window into her deeply interesting life. Though we were also tempted to ask her to just, ya know, raise our children for us.
The Candidly Questionnaire
1. In a word, what is your most compelling quality?
Curiosity.
2. In a word, what is your biggest challenge?
Attention.
3. What kitchen tool do you use every single day and kind of can’t live without?
French press for morning coffee.
4. When do you feel most connected with yourself?
When I’m mucking about in the garden while listening to a good audiobook.
5. Are essential oils anything?
Yep. I’m a sauna person, so there are few things I adore more than the scent of eucalyptus in the water I toss on the stove. I also like a bit of pine in a diffuser, sometimes mixed with peppermint or clove.
6. Do you struggle at all with boundaries? How?
I’m all-or-nothing with my boundaries. I share so much in my writing (a blend of memoir and research-based nonfiction) or when I’m on the road speaking – I talk all about my struggles with sobriety, parenting, and self-doubt – so when I’m home, I recharge from all that openness by maintaining wide boundaries. I don’t answer the phone if I don’t feel like it, and I become a bit of a hermit at home in the woods of Vermont. Because I can become quite internal, my struggle has been learning how to balance the oversharing and the withdrawing so I give both my readers and my family what they need from me.
7. How do you dampen self-critical thoughts when they get too loud?
First and foremost, I don’t read comments on my journalism, and I block mean people on social media. If that does not work, and the doubt seeps in, I get outside into the garden or woods. That’s where I’m most at peace and feel safe from a self-induced assault on my confidence. If that fails, I text two friends, KJ Dell’Antonia and Sarina Bowen, both writers, and they talk me down.
8. Describe the most “you” outfit of all time.
If you were to look at pictures of me out on speaking tour, you’d assume I have one outfit, my tried and true “casual Jess on stage” uniform. I’m wearing it in the first picture you encounter on my website, a purple and gray Bryn Walker asymmetrical tunic top I found in a little shop on the main drag in Nyack, NY in fall 2015, dark blue straight-leg jeans, and Camper Laika platform shoes I own in multiple styles and colors. I get more comments about these shoes than anything else I wear and I maintain an alert for them on Ebay because I love them so much, I can’t bear to face the prospect of not having them once I wear mine out.
9. What meal can you make the hell out of?
I asked my family what they thought, and two out of three cited Oaxacan mole poblano sauce, which takes two days to cook properly.
10. What book has made the biggest impact on your life?
I read the book Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison in my second year of college, and it made me want to teach literature. There was so much there –the language, style, narrative and underlying mythologies. It blew my mind wide open in the best possible way.
11. Apart from family, what woman do you deeply admire?
My most honest answer is also my least original: RBG.
12. Why does the word “feminist” get people so wound up?
Because a common misinterpretation of the word implies “better than” rather than “equal to.”
13. Which Insta account’s stories do you always tap through until the end?
I try to like Instagram stories, but I’m not there yet.
14. Do you think social media’s good qualities outweigh the bad?
Absolutely. As a profession, teachers are the biggest users of Twitter, so I follow about 11k teachers. Relative to most Twitter users, teachers are the most gracious, generous, and level-headed people on social media. My #PLN (personal learning network) game is STRONG on Twitter and I rely on them for ideas and recommendations all the time. Best of all, I get to meet many of them when I’m on speaking tours, which has been one of the best parts of my job.
15. What quote or phrase has really stayed with you?
“I decided to make my life my argument” by Dr. Albert Schweitzer.
16. Do you have a phobia? How do you deal?
Heights, so I use ladders, climb fire towers, and learned to rock climb. I used to shake and sweat, and I clung like a limpet to the side of the second pitch of the one and only outdoor, multi-pitch climb I will ever do, but I did it.
17. How do you feel about cilantro?
It’s repugnant. Fortunately, everyone in my family (none of us are supertasters) feels the same white-hot hatred for the herb.
18. Describe, in detail, your perfect bedtime routine.
Husband gets home from work around 6:30, we eat as a family until around 7:30. Husband turns on the sauna when he gets home, so it’s ready to go at 8. Husband and I are in the sauna until 9, I let the dogs out, rinse off in a cool shower, and we all go to sleep (the three dogs are on the bed, the cats stop by for pets according to their whim). I either watch some Baumgartner Restoration, Vino Farm or Liziqi videos on YouTube or I read for a bit before lights off by 10:00.
19. What’s your favorite thing you’ve ever read on the internet?
I could give you the names of some articles by Catherine Newman or Jodi Kantor or KJ Dell’Antonia – heck, the most recent blog post by Julie Lythcott Haims made me cry – but the candid answer is, “The New York Times bestseller list the week after The Gift of Failure was released.”
20. What’s your relationship with bangs?
I have never really had the full-on blunt bangs I dream of. I have always thought they might be a good idea, my hairstylist sister disagrees, so I defer to her opinion and authority on the subject.
What is your single favorite:
Wellness product that *actually* works: Bag balm.
Lip balm: Burt’s Bees tinted lip shimmer in Fig.
Jeans: Gap 1969 straight leg, dark wash.
Mascara: MAC Extended Play.
Robe: Canyon Ranch Microfiber Plush Robe.
Sex product: Naps.
Last-minute gift: Matching people with just the right book is my superpower.
Bra: Whatever is on sale and fits when I force myself to go shopping.
Shampoo: Neutrogena anti-residue shampoo.
Comfortable shoes: Glerup felt slippers.
Splurge skincare: Canyon Ranch facials.
Drugstore skincare: Aveeno ultra-calming foaming facial cleanser.
Everyday bag: Smythson four-pocket currency case.
Podcast: #AmWriting.
Drink: Queen City Kombucha or sparkling water with concentrated sour cherry or blueberry juice.
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We have to eat.
