Dr. Ramani Durvasula Is Someone We Really Like
Photo Courtesy of Dr. Ramani
by The Candidly Team
Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a renowned clinical psychologist, psychology professor, and author of multiple fascinating books.
She’s a frequent guest on Red Table Talk, where she weighs in on toxic relationships, anxiety, and trauma. She’s also one of THE foremost experts on Narcissism and Narcissistic abuse.
We like Dr. Ramani.
So we asked her to take part in our Candidly questionnaire. Let’s jump in.
The Candidly Questionnaire
1. What’s something you really like about yourself?
My persistence and grit.
2. What is your biggest challenge?
Getting so lost in work that I’m not present with the people I love.
3. What kitchen or house tool do you use daily that’s changed your life?
The little tripod iPhone stand I use to hold my phone so I can do sessions and talk to my family while I wash the dishes.
4. When do you feel most confident?
After I have written something I really like.
5. Are essential oils anything?
I like smells – like jasmine and lilac— but I don’t have the patience to set up all the oils. I’m a candle girl.
6. How do you create boundaries?
I learn to tolerate the feeling of potentially being disliked.
7. How do you dampen self-critical thoughts when they get too loud?
I distract myself. I wish I could say something noble like meditation, but it’s more like watching nonsense TV, or playing a game on my phone.
8. Describe the most “you” outfit of all time.
Tunic shirt over loose pants.
9. What meal can you make the hell out of?
Pasta with meat sauce (but even that is disputable).
10. What book has made the biggest impact on your life?
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.
11. Apart from family, what woman do you deeply admire?
Harriet Tubman. Rosa Parks. Sojourner Truth.
12. Which Insta account is creating the greatest content?
@TheAwkwardYeti — Simple yet witty cartoons about mental health.
13. What quote or phrase has really stayed with you?
“In a world as wrong as this one, all we can do is make things as right as we can.” or “The changes we dread most may contain our salvation.” — both by Barbara Kingsolver.
14. What’s your most effective form of therapy?
Humanistic therapy with a little laughter thrown in. Be present. Be genuine. Be non-judgmental. And be brutally honest.
15. What’s your approach to mending conflict with people you work with?
Offer the first apology. Check in and ask how they are. Take account and reflect on how my conduct may have hurt them.
16. How do you feel about cilantro?
Love it. Mom makes a tremendous cilantro chutney – I think it makes everything better.
17. Describe your actual bedtime routine.
Wash up. Take my vitamins and medications. Drink some sleepy tea. Set the alarm. Read or play scrabble on my device.
18. What’s the best thing you’ve ever read on the internet?
An amazing article about a man who survived under horrific circumstances in his teens in Poland during WW2 and lost his entire family to the Nazis. He managed to make it to Italy, where he studied medicine, and then migrated to the US, met his wife (who also survived against all odds in Poland), and came to LA and became a pediatrician in Los Angeles. He went on to live his life without bitterness or rancor, but just did good.
In a world as toxic as ours, that a man endured such trauma and still prevailed in a healthy way – that’s a reason to get up and fight another day. His name is Dr. William Good. We often only read about the negative effects of trauma, but Dr. Good’s story was a reminder that we are not defined by our histories.
19. What’s your relationship with bangs?
Never had them. I have a small forehead, and when I was a child, I envied the girls who could pull them off. It was such a groovy look in the 70’s. But never have, never will.
What is your single favorite:
Wellness product that *actually* works: Melatonin.
Lip balm: Kiehl’s.
Jeans brand: Lucky.
Mascara: Maybelline.
Robe: Cotton one made of old sarees.
Sex Product: I’m out of the game….
Last-minute gift: Homesick candle or See’s Chocolates.
Bra: Victoria’s Secret t-shirt bra.
Shampoo: Whatever I took from the last hotel I stayed at.
Comfortable shoes: Skechers slip-ons.
Splurge skincare: That I have never actually paid for— La Mer (I’ve only sampled it at duty-free stores in the airport). That I have actually paid for – Kiehl’s.
Drugstore skincare: Neutrogena face wash and moisturizer.
Everyday bag: JanSport backpack, Herschel fanny pack.
Guilty pleasure TV show: Schitt’s Creek.
Drink: Diet Coke.
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We have to eat.
