Why Are We Proud Of Being Workaholics?
by The Candidly Team
Most of us know that working hard and working smart is crucial if we want a certain kind of professional success.
But is working hard the same as being a “workaholic?”
And is there a murky, dank space between working hard and the…“ism” of workaholism?
And if priding ourselves on being a “workaholic” who never takes a day off then becomes something we publicly brandish for praise and external validation, are we turning our self-proclaimed workaholism into something we depend on for self-esteem, or use for avoidance?
(Some of us behind the scenes here are wildly nodding our heads right now…)
Well, to find out, we spoke to Caroline Dooner, author of Tired As F*ck: Burnout At The Hands Of Diet, Self-Help, And Hustle Culture.
We asked Caroline six, very hard questions about the realities of workaholism. And she gave us the tough-love answers we were looking for.
Eek.
1. Many of us derive self-esteem and emotional fulfillment from being "hard workers," or believe the only path to success requires us to work 100-hour weeks. Simply put…is that bad?
There is nothing wrong with being “hard workers.” In fact, it can be an amazing quality, and bring lots of genuine fulfillment. The question is always: how are we using this thing (workaholism)? Are we using it as a way to avoid other parts of our lives? Are we using it to avoid feeling? Are we using it to numb and distract ourselves? Are we using it to avoid addressing things that need to be healed?
Sometimes the “path to success” in certain careers will require an unbelievable amount of work hours, plus time and energy and sweat and tears. Maybe this is worth it to some people, or for a certain amount of time, but maybe it isn’t. Or maybe it’s worth it for a while, and then we realize that it’s not worth it anymore. In my opinion, it’s all about getting really honest with yourself about what is working for you, and what isn’t. So that’s the first step, getting honest with yourself about what’s working and what isn’t, and the cost of using productivity or workaholism in a way that’s become dysfunctional for us. What are the consequences of my relationship with work and productivity? If there are currently none, it’s unlikely that you’ll want or need to make a change.
But if things start to become or feel unbalanced, or you’re facing burnout or exhaustion, that’s when you’ll need to take stock. Once you do that, the next question can become: ok, what can I do about it? Can I carve out more time for rest? Nights off? Take some days off? Create better work boundaries? Consider changing careers?
2. How/why is workaholism an "ism?" Is it truly something we are addicted to?
Yes, it’s something we are behaviorally “addicted” to, like we are with our phones, or praise and validation. It’s something we are “using” to try and mitigate anxiety, emotions, and continually get rewarded for.
Where it slips from “normal relationship with work” is, when do we lose control over our relationship with it? When does it come a compulsive act? When does it become too uncomfortable to stop or change the way we are engaging with it?
3. Why do some of us wear our workaholism as a badge of honor? Is it just because our culture rewards workaholics? Is it something we use for praise and external validation?
When we continually get praise for something, it will become something we automatically use for continued validation until we notice that the dynamic is becoming toxic or unhealthy.
I think it starts in school, where we are rewarded for blindly following the rules, and being a good little productive worker. It becomes a no brainer to keep up that dynamic when we are adults, and often don’t realize we are using it “as a drug” — and only start to question it when it becomes unsustainable or deeply depleting.
4. A lot of people like to point to "hustle culture" as the reason we so proudly proclaim to be workaholics, but does that tell the whole story?
You’re right that just saying “hustle culture” doesn’t actually break down the beliefs and dynamics happening underneath. I think hustle culture stems partially from us having poor coping skills and an inability to feel and deal with our emotions or difficult or painful events from our past.
Instead of learning how to actually heal aspects of ourselves, many of us learn to stuff it down and be impressive. So that’s what we do. We get endless praise for working nonstop, for making lots of money, and for being a go-getter. So at first, it seems like a win-win, constant distraction AND constant praise and success? Why not!?
Problem is, that mode of operating usually isn’t sustainable, both physically and emotionally. So in my opinion it’s a double whammy of not having the skills to actually process our emotions, trauma, sadness, anger, and grief, and living in a culture that sees nonstop work as the most responsible way to operate.
5. Are some of us workaholics simply to avoid other parts of our lives?
Yes, and it can work two-fold: one, it’s a way to continually get praise, either from ourselves or from others. And two, it is a way to avoid other areas of our lives or distract or numb ourselves from doing inner emotional work and processing.
There is nothing WRONG with working or goal setting or being productive, but again, the question is always about when the dynamic starts to rule your life and become imbalanced and toxic.
6. For those of us who struggle with workaholism, can we point to specific things in our past to explain it? Parents who never praised us as children, a need for perfectionism, etc?
Just like any dysfunctional behavior, it can absolutely stem from what we experienced or learned as children, but it’s also very human to fall into patterns like this. And it usually takes a bit of a crisis or rock bottom to realize that it’s not working out the way we hoped it would.
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