Is Psychological Flexibility The Answer To Us Actually Enjoying Our Lives?
How building this one skill can make every hard thing we face easier.
by The Candidly Team
None of us expects a life free of obstacles or hardships. But can we also admit that when they do get thrown our way, it doesn’t always bring out the best, brightest version of our resilient selves?
Maybe we’re prone to complaints. Or passive-aggressive mood swings. Or maybe we’re just keeping calm and carrying on to such a rage-swallowing degree that we can actually feel the lines carving themselves into our foreheads.
The point is, we could all use a pathway to increase our capacity for handling the hard, emotion-igniting things that pepper our days.
Which is why we find the principles of something called “psychological flexibility” so deeply refreshing.
Psychological flexibility refers to the fact that we don’t have to be rigid and reactive whenever we feel triggered. It’s a tool we can learn to help us not suffer more than we have to in a given interaction.
To tell us exactly what it means and how we can embrace it in our daily, messy lives, we talked to Amanda White, LPC of Therapy For Women.
1. Can you break down for us what it means to be psychologically flexible? What are the key characteristics?
When someone is psychological flexible, they can stay grounded in their own values and beliefs even when they hear people disagreeing or experience their own frustrating emotions or thoughts.
It allows us to be able to listen to alternative perspectives without being overcome by anger and feeling the need to lash out.
It allows us to stay centered in your own needs even if someone is trying to push our boundaries.
2. Can you give one example of how the same scenario can change based on whether the person’s reaction is or isn’t psychologically flexible?
Let’s say you’re scrolling on social media and come across a post you don’t agree with. If you are not psychologically flexible, you may fill with rage and quickly type out a comment explaining why this person is wrong.
If you are psychologically flexible, you can notice your body sensations and the feeling of anger, but you can center yourself and think objectively about whether typing out a response is in alignment with your values or will make a difference in moving the conversation forward.
3. What are the most crucial ways psychological flexibility affects (and probably dramatically improves) our lives?
It gives us time and space to be able to choose our actions versus simply reacting to a situation.
This allows us to have better relationships, see things from different points of view, recognize nuance, regulate our emotions better and set and maintain boundaries.
4. What are some essential and doable ways one could improve their psychological flexibility?
Purposefully seek out different perspectives of people so you can learn how to regulate your emotions even when you hear alternative points of view.
Learn mindfulness skills so you can stay in the present moment even when you have a big emotion arise.
Get clear on what your values are so you can recognize when you are acting in or out of accordance with them.
Switch up your routine. If you always drive the same way home, try taking the scenic route, sitting in a different place on the couch, or try out a new activity to keep your brain stimulated and learning.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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