First, we’re just going to admit that we’re also confused slash annoyed by the word “clean.”
It’s a phrase we use on occasion, always with some hesitation. Because what does it even mean? Is it an actual label that holds any significance for the food and beauty products and everything else that we touch on a daily basis?
Does “clean” mean “better?” Or does “clean” simply mean “free from toxins?” And for those of us who don’t hold a degree in chemistry, have we collectively deluded ourselves into pretending we understand what these “toxins” are and why they’re bad?
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Ok, a “catch” might be a touch clickbaity, but there are absolute pros and cons to this wildly popular, often magical new-ish beauty trend.
I live in a big city. Los Angeles. And I’m lucky to have an embarrassment of riches in terms of finding almost any practitioner of any kind. Not everyone has such a luxury, so it might take some digging to find someone you love and trust. And even still, once you find someone, there’s essential questions to ask, and required sleuthing to be done if you want brows that err more on the side of Brooke, as in Shields, rather than on the side of Bert, as in Ernie.
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If you’re a makeup fanatic, you’re probably aware of this dark horse which received huge accolades when it came out a few years ago. If you’re not, allow me to introduce you to your newest under $10 obsession:
The Flower Beauty Ultimate 3-in-1 Makeup Sponge.
Zero disrespect to the $20 Beauty Blender, but there is something SO bouncy and almost lived-in about this sponge. Run it under regular tap water, let it really expand, then squeeeeeze out. The shape of this sponge, once wet, is almost comically plump, and it seems to be able to absorb twice the amount of water as other sponges, thereby morphing into a perfect blend of soft and dense, and blends nearly anything on your face effortlessly and flawlessly. Case in point:
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Adult acne. Two words that should never go together.
I come from a long line of oily, well-meaning people, who just want to go through life without an inflamed face. Genetics have always been against me, but in my late twenties, I found a way to cheat fate. I’m not a doctor, but this is my personal story, and I hope you find it helpful.
I was the classic pimply teenager with T-zone issues that escalated to cystic acne in high school. I went on Accutane when I was 17, and experienced one glorious year of perfect skin (and my first boyfriend) before breakouts returned.
In my twenties, I tried everything from DIY microdermabrasion (huge mistake) to Proactiv to Retin-A. I remember coming home from one facial with scabs on my face that lasted for days. I lived for the moments when I had only a smattering of zits and no big cysts.
Finally, in my late twenties, I found an esthetician who changed my skin by explaining how certain ingredients work on acne-prone skin. For those of you in the Los Angeles area, her name is Jennifer Kramer, and she is founder and clinical director at Corrective Skincare LA. She offers customized treatments, and a thorough education on skincare.
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Contouring is hard and most people can’t do it.
Trends that have rich lives on screens don’t always translate into the lives we live, you know, in actual real life. Sitting across from a real human being. Drinking iced tea. 3 feet away. In sunlight. In those conditions, the goal is for your skin to look impossibly beautiful and glowing, not caked in brown, grotesque stripes.
But if you MUST try contouring, here’s a few products and techniques for the best possible results:
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There are some universal truths. One of which is that our skin, post 40, just isn’t what it is when we were 25. Because life isn’t fair. But at 25, most of us were flailing around in deep existential crises and finding ourselves on dates where we were made to feel unsophisticated if we didn’t want to bone on the first night and acting like we knew exactly who we are when in fact we didn’t know the first thing about who we are and pining after some jobless super douche named Xavier. So, if getting older means having any of that get even a little bit better, I’m happy for the tradeoff being that I have to be more judicious with my concealer. Thrilled, even.
So, we all know that the skin around our eyes is the thinnest on our face. Of course we know this. We watch things and know things and can see and feel this in our own faces. This thinness means this skin gets wrinkled, shows more veins, shows more signs of general wear and tear from life, more than other areas on our face. I feel like there’s this great makeup conspiracy that if you just throw enough light colored makeup on this area, it will erase, it will cover, it will turn back time.
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A couple of things inspired this article:
I feel very confident about my bun making skills.
When I searched “easy fast messy bun” on YouTube for the purposes of sharing a video with someone who I thought could benefit from knowing the secrets of crafting a messy bun, I was aghast to find multiple bun tutorials proffering “easy fast messy bun” in the titles, but clocking in at around 60 minutes.
There is no bun on planet earth or any other unknown planets which should take 60 minutes to create, nor 60 minutes to explain.
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If you know where the hell to put your blush, please don’t read this. It’s not for you. You will laugh and point and be smug, for you are a person who knows where the hell to put your blush. In fact, stop reading and go put some blush on. I’m sure it will look magnificent.
Ok, good. They’re gone. It’s just us now.
As someone who has both struggled with my own blush placement, AND as someone who used to make a living by putting blush on other people, I feel exceptionally qualified to write this article and to be the person to tell you exactly. where. the. fuck. to. put. your. blush.
So, let’s do this. A couple of crucial caveats first.
