Tamekia Swint Is Changing Lives, One Hairstyle At A Time
by The Candidly Team
Haircare, makeup, skincare— these are more than just vain, frivolous pursuits. They’re part of our identity. They give us confidence.
And few people understand that better than Tamekia Swint, whose non-profit organization, Styles 4 Kidz, provides haircare services and education for kids with textured hair, especially for kids in foster care, transracial adoptive families, and multiracial families.
Tamekia identified a clear need in Chicago— and since, other cities— for proper haircare and education, and has seen firsthand how haircare, education, and the celebration of natural hair can boost kids' self-esteem and cultural pride.
As Styles 4 Kidz is one of the first non-profit salons of its kind, Tamekia’s work is singular and unique.
So we gave Tamekia a call and asked her a few questions about the importance of haircare, her advice for transracial adoptive parents, and the greatest hair products for kids.
Q: What inspired you to start Styles 4 Kidz? What made you realize that this was a need that wasn’t being met?
I was introduced to a transracial adoptive mom by one of her coworkers, who’s a friend of mine. I was trying to get this friend to let me do her daughter’s hair. And she was like “oh no, honey. I don’t need your help, but I know somebody that does.” That somebody was Mary— she’s white, and she has a black daughter. And Mary had been begging my friend to help her with her daughter’s hair.
Meeting Mary and her daughter just really changed my life. So I helped Mary, and kept helping Mary, and she introduced me to other transracial adoptive families. Before I knew it, I had a lot of people calling me who wanted help too. This made me realize the amount of need that was in Chicago.
And through that network of moms that I was helping, I started to develop friendships with these women that really became the foundation for Styles 4 Kidz. And then I became aware of not only this transracial adoptive community, but also the foster care community, where you have all these parents fostering black kids, and they all need hair help. So I just started helping, literally around the clock. It became my life.
Here we are 10 years later, from one family, and we’ve gone on now to help thousands of families with haircare services and training. Not just here in Chicago, but it’s growing. Last year we went to Atlanta, New Jersey, Indianapolis, and Grand Rapids, Michigan.
(Image from Styles4Kidz)
One of Tamekia’s clients, before.
(Image from Styles4Kidz)
The same client, after.
Q: Do you think of your work as a form of emotional support? If so, how?
TS: Aboslutely. 100%. In some cases, it might be more emotional support than anything. Because when the kids are in the salon, they are immersed in black culture. And for some of them, it might be their only opportunity to get that. And to see the emotional response to that—the idea that they have a place of their own where they can identify with these other people—leaves the child more emotionally balanced.
We’re really intentional about trying to immerse them in culture. We actually completely changed the look of our salon. It used to be designed really for kids, and now it’s definitely a black salon. But I feel like it’s important, in light of the George Floyd incident, that we create a cultural experience for the kids, even if they’re just coming to get their hair done.
And now we’re going to have our own educational resource room where we’re going to be able to immerse the parents in our culture! From the movies to the music to the lingo. And we’re already seeing our parents get it. The other day, I heard one of the dad’s say, “he wasn’t woke to it.” And I was like, “he’s getting it!”
Q: What’s the relationship between beauty and mental health for children?
TS: If you don’t feel good about how you look, then the message that you start to internalize is, “I’m not worthy. I’m not beautiful. And who am I as a person?”
Having someone treat you differently because your hair is not done— the impact of that on your mental health is significant. And for some kids, they could end up suicidal or hurting themselves or not choosing good relationships.
And one thing we talk about in our workshop is this attitude from some parents of, “I love my child! Why is this a big deal? It’s just hair?” But it is a big deal!
And this is particularly true for kids who have special needs.
We had one transracial adoptive mom with a daughter with special needs, and she said, “well she doesn’t know the difference anyways, so why should she care about her hair?” And that’s a huge issue. Because a lot of the kids who are adopted do have special needs, and you don’t want to dismiss the way they look because they still might be looked at and treated a certain way because of it.
Q: How does your work affect family dynamics?
TS: We serve the full family. One of the dads just posted on my Facebook page that hair time has become a bonding time for his daughter. Whereas before, it was a point of argument or a point of tension. And for the first time, his daughter actually looks forward to hair time. That is a huge milestone for that family.
Because for many families, hair time is a time of struggle and confusion. It’s a time of distress for the child and the parent.
“we’re providing life-changing, transformational services that are a time of bonding for parents and children.”
So we’re providing life-changing, transformational services that are becoming a point of bonding for parents and children in a place of struggle.
Q: What is your single favorite hair product? What’s your favorite hair product for kids?
Now this is going to seem weird, but my single favorite product for kids— which is something everybody has access to and that people don’t use enough of with textured hair— is water.
You just cannot calm textured hair when it is dry. It has to be wet. So water is your friend.
And in most cases, I see that parents are not using enough water or product. Water is going to help any product that you put on the hair absorb better.
In regards to children’s products, most products for ethnic hair can be utilized for kids. But I do prefer products that don’t contain any parabens, sulfates, fillers, and I like products that are as natural and organic as possible.
We also use a lot of products from Reagan Sanai. They’re pretty safe, especially for children, because most of the ingredients are natural, and there isn’t anything that could be harmful to babies.
Q: How has the conversation around racial differences in beauty and haircare evolved in the last few years? What is one thing that’s still missing from that conversation?
TS: One thing that has evolved, that I love, is that we have a community of people online and in the media who are embracing natural hair for African Americans. We have come so far from where we used to be, because before, African American women were trying to blend with European culture by chemically processing their hair and making it straight.
The fact that we can move people away from chemicals and into natural and organic products and embracing their natural hair means we’ve come a long way!
But we have a ways to go, because natural hair is still not widely accepted in corporate America in some cases.
I had a client who was an attorney, and she always tells me she can’t show up to court with her natural hair because they won’t take her seriously! And she has a beautiful head of hair. So she’s committed to wearing a weave. But the court isn’t going to pay for the long-term damage done to her hair and scalp, are they?
If I could change anything in the world, it would be that people would be accepted for who they are in their own culture where we didn’t’ have to comply with what European culture says is beautiful or right or the “standard.”
Which makes me think of one of my transracial adoptive dads. He’s the coach of a girls’ basketball team here in Chicago. And up until he adopted an African American daughter, he said that when the girls on his team tried to wear a braid, he scolded them. He told them if they had braids in their hair, they’d have to take them out.
And now that he lives with an African American daughter, he said he feels so bad. He was looking at the world from the perspective of a white male who doesn’t have textured hair, so he didn’t understand the kind of wear and tear that the basketball player deals with if they don’t put their hair in a braided hairstyle. Because the hair will fall out with all the sweating, and we can’t wash our hair every day.
So we need people to look at the world from the perspective of the person, instead of what they believe to be right and wrong based on their own culture.
Q: Your website describes your organization as “a safe place to learn how to properly care for...transracial children’s hair without judgment and negative criticism.” How does judgement around hair and beauty affect multiracial families and adopted children? How does it affect the black community overall?
TS: Judgement creates division. And one thing I’d love to see is African American moms embracing white moms who adopt black kids, and I think judgement prevents that from happening.
You’d be surprised how many African Americans reach out to us and say they want to be involved, and they want to know how to approach the topic of haircare with white parents without offending them. Black women ask me all the time, “I see these families at my school, and I want to help, but how do I approach them?” And I say, “don’t worry about it—just give them my card.”
“the judgement and fear of judgement on both sides prevents people from seeking or giving help. ”
It’s a disconnect in a lot of ways. Because the judgement and fear of judgement on both sides prevents people from seeking or giving help. And you do have some white moms who are approaching black moms, like Mary, the first woman I helped. She was asking my friend for help, which is how she got referred to me. But there are times when parents might miss this opportunity to connect because they’re worried someone will judge them, or they’re worried about coming off as judgmental.
But, I think where white families need to change is the judgement towards black families. A lot of our white moms embrace us, but a lot of the white moms we work with clearly don’t want to take advice from a black woman. And they’re judging, because they have no idea what our experience is, and how we can help them. What’s really crazy is that many of them are raising black women! So they actually need our perspective.
So there needs to be less judgement on the side of white families in accepting certain things about black people so that we can have a more open relationship.
I’ll give you an example.
We had a transracial adoptive mom (who’s white) who told me that she’s trying to get to know a black mom at her kid’s school. And she invited the black mom over a couple of times. I was there when she did, but I could tell that the white, adoptive mom still didn’t have her guard down. So the black mom just wasn’t really open to it. But I think you’ve got to be willing to be transparent— there’s a level of vulnerability that has to take place if you try to develop a relationship with a black family. Because we’re already feeling skeptical. The way the black woman is looking at it, she thinks, “if she hadn’t just adopted a black child, she wouldn’t be interested in having a relationship with me.” And 99.9% of the time, that’s true!
So you have to be vulnerable and honest. It’s ok to say, “I’m a white mom. I have no clue what I’m doing and I need help.” She could’ve started by telling her adoption story. And admitting that she was learning and in need of more black friends and more connections to that community for her child. And you can tell that she never said that, and that’s what it takes to be friends.
So this judgement kind of goes both ways.
Q: What’s the one question you receive the most from parents? What’s the most common misconception that you come across from parents?
TS: This is the biggest question we get from transracial adoptive parents— and some of them say it, and some of them don’t, but we feel it— is how we feel about them adopting. We get that question quite a bit.
The most common misconception is the idea that we’re just stylists and we don’t want to have a relationship with the parents or the kids. Whereas in most cases, our stylists do want to have a relationship with these families. So I think the stylists wish that parents would open up more so we could have conversations about things affecting the child because we care.
And by not opening up, these parents are preventing themself from gaining all the tools and tips and resources that we’re willing to provide.
Q: What’s your biggest piece of advice for parents who are adopting children of a different race?
TS: You’ve got to be open to placing yourself in an environment that’s not comfortable. Because your children live in that environment in most cases.
“you’ve got to be open to placing yourself in an environment that’s uncomfortable, because your children live in that environment.”
I went to a transracial adoptive family’s house. And driving through their neighborhood was already concerning to me, as an African American woman. I kept thinking, “please don’t let me get pulled over!” So I’m out in God knows where, praying my car doesn’t stop and hoping I have a full tank of gas.
And as soon as I get to the house, I thought, “WHY are you living here with an African American child?” Because they’re literally placing their child in an environment where, initially, they’re not going to know they’re uncomfortable, but eventually, they’ll realize that no one looks like them. Imagine how hard that is.
And the parents didn’t want to drive two hours to put their child in an environment where they’ll be comfortable to get their hair done. It’s just two hours for the parents to be uncomfortable vs. a lifetime for their child. And this is pretty common with our transracial adoptive families.
So I wish that these families would look for more multicultural communities to live in because how isolating is it to grow up in an environment where nobody looks like you? And I understand there are limits, and I get it—financials and work and commutes and schools are issues. All these things make a difference. But if you can help it, try to find a more multiethnic community to live in. And I know parents don’t want to do that sometimes because they’re uncomfortable.
Q: What are the long term effects of exposing and connecting adoptive children to their cultures? Why is this important?
TS: Without exposing a child to their culture, they grow up having no idea who they are. And I’m sorry, that’s just one of the worst things. You’ve done your child a disservice if they grow up thinking they’re white because the rest of the world isn’t going to treat them like they’re white.
One of our transracial adoptees—now an adult—was taking the garbage out at his house, and was pulled over in the alley, at his own house, for taking the garbage out. And they asked, “what are you doing here?” And he said, “I live here.” And they didn’t believe him, so they came around to the door and rang the doorbell to make sure he actually lived there.
And so you cannot raise your child like they’re white. Which is something we’re really trying to educate our parents about. Because when that child leaves the house, they are a black person in a white world. And they need to learn how to function that way.
So to have a well-rounded child, you need to expose your kids to black culture.
Q: What’s your favorite hairstyle to teach parents? What’s the hardest?
TS: First of all, everybody that comes to class learns how to lay edges! We’ve got to lay edges.
But my favorite hairstyle to teach parents is twists, because it’s easier than it looks. And the style that is hard to teach parents is corn rows.
In most cases, the parents get a handle on the styles eventually. I’ve only had one parent where I’m like, “girl I cannot teach you how to braid.” It was funny, though. She knew I wasn’t making fun of her—she really tried, but she just wasn’t getting it. So braiding is the hardest.
If you’re not technical minded, it can be hard. It’s all about finger-positioning, and holding your hand in a certain way.
Q: How can haircare be transformative, especially for adopted children?
TS: Haircare IS transformative. That is a powerful statement. We’ve seen it over and over again. From the time that child walks through the door, to the time that they leave, to see the transformation in their attitude, in the way that they look, and in the way that they feel about themselves— there are no words to describe it.
Recently, we had young lady who hadn’t had a decent looking hairstyle from the time that she came to live with her transracial adopted family. And when she came to us, her hair was so matted. She came in the door with a hood over her head, which was immediately a red flag. So we started working on her head, and it was bad. She was crying. I didn’t know if I’d be able to get through it because I don’t want to be causing her pain. But at the same time, we have to comb the matted hair out.
So 4.5 hours later, she looked beautiful. She was a totally different child. Her mother said, “thank you, you’ve literally changed my life.” And what was a point of struggle is now something that has given hope, for the child and for the parent.
For young kids, it can be especially transformative because they’re developing their self esteem. They’re developing their identity in the world! And on top of that, they’re in a family where no one looks like them, so it makes it very difficult for a child when they feel like the sore thumb that’s sticking out in the family, and not part of the family. It leads to a loss of essential belonging that runs really deep.
If you feel good about yourself when you look in the mirror, that significantly impacts your perspective on the world. Not just in a negative way, but in a positive way. It can give you confidence in what you’re able to do, and that sense of confidence is what we’re trying to give kids.
