T-Shirts Are The Devil's Work
by Audie Metcalf
T-shirts are, how do you say? Ah yes. The work of Lucifer himself.
We’re all told that a “plain white t” is one of those “essential basics” that we all must have in our closets in order to have full, enriching lives.
But who decided that a short sleeve that cuts ones arm at the WORST POSSIBLE PLACE, should be such a staple?
Every too-expensive band merch t-shirt we bought as a teen, every junior high gym uniform, every casual summer outfit did their damndest to create a rich, hearty stew of arm-shame for us fleshier gals, didn’t they?
And on the one hand I want to say to you, and to myself, wear whatever the hell you want! Stop allowing your overall value as a human being on this earth to be linked in any way to the circumference of your elbow pit! Remind yourself of the Rubenesque beauties of Flemish Baroque paintings! But alas. None of us are as finished and complete as those zaftig women in those pieces of art. We are mere works in progress, today, and likely forever. And so, until we all come to terms with our arm flab and learn not to actively wince when we type “arm flab,” we certainly don’t need to be emotionally assaulted by our t-shirts, right?
So here’s what I’ve learned.
T-shirts are like the shorts of the arms. That’s why they’re so hard for us! It’s not us! It’s them! And so its success is alllllll about exactly where it hits the arm; 1 inch too high and we feel like we’re back in gym class, 2 inches too long and suddenly we’re our own great-grandmother.
A woman’s work is never done.
But mastering the art of the t-shirt length so that we don’t slip into some kind of dysmorphia spiral?
Let’s do that work today. And be done with it.
Let’s go:
Price: $40
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Price: $46 - $59.50
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